It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
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But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
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Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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