The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
