Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
A+ Viking dick
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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