morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
