Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
