Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
