what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
