I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
