first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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