Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
