First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Buhtt sex?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
