All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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