I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
