i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm too high and old for this...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
