Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  i did. i'm using it as a microphone.

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  (703): maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking. (859): i did. i'm using it as a microphone. http://tfl.nu/mm1q
  Replies (8) Good night (3030) Bad night (620)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.

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  (905): just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped. http://tfl.nu/8nmk
  Replies (35) Good night (1050) Bad night (10227)
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  (760): View more from California

  my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...

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  (760): my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg... http://tfl.nu/gr75
  Replies (33) Good night (8002) Bad night (835)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.

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  (301): this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately. http://tfl.nu/cwhn
  Replies (30) Good night (2068) Bad night (4989)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.

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  (612): I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick. http://tfl.nu/mxvd
  Replies (10) Good night (958) Bad night (2941)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were

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  (503): Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were http://tfl.nu/3ofv
  Replies (14) Good night (5835) Bad night (1230)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine

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  (412): a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine http://tfl.nu/k37h
  Replies (12) Good night (3561) Bad night (940)
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  (315): View more from New York

  gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.

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  (315): gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk. http://tfl.nu/w2fg
  Replies (2) Good night (1862) Bad night (948)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.

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  (540): About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience. http://tfl.nu/yfor
  Replies (6) Good night (1564) Bad night (1065)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.

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  (715): my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina. http://tfl.nu/moie
  Replies (16) Good night (807) Bad night (1662)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come

  (804): View more from Virginia

  and you stopped teaching...why?

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  (724): You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come (804): and you stopped teaching...why? http://tfl.nu/8fjo
  Replies (5) Good night (2102) Bad night (690)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I feel a five day drunk coming on.

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  (217): I feel a five day drunk coming on. http://tfl.nu/u0qx
  Replies (4) Good night (1147) Bad night (572)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.

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  (310): All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta. http://tfl.nu/aprf
  Replies (2) Good night (1433) Bad night (331)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?

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  (616): I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day? http://tfl.nu/5vcx
  Replies (3) Good night (294) Bad night (590)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.

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  (214): Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too. http://tfl.nu/2rql
  Replies (2) Good night (709) Bad night (250)

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