We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"