The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
