Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
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I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
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It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone