Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
That's what I'm talking about
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?