I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml