I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
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You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.