You drinking a lot?
Define a lot
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dating After Heartbreak
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles