Texts From Last Night

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  (858): View more from California

  I like my sex mixed with concussions.

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  (858): I like my sex mixed with concussions. http://tfl.nu/qysd
  Replies (6) Good night (1218) Bad night (741)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.

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  (443): My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth. http://tfl.nu/a6mm
  Replies (36) Good night (2843) Bad night (1196)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I am the king of creep.

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  (262): I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me". (262): I am the king of creep. http://tfl.nu/3401
  Replies (12) Good night (3488) Bad night (1078)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.

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  (978): suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg. http://tfl.nu/rk1z
  Replies (38) Good night (873) Bad night (11766)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?

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  (915): Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere? http://tfl.nu/8ktc
  Replies (15) Good night (1220) Bad night (2924)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer

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  (518): Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer http://tfl.nu/1maf
  Replies (1) Good night (1265) Bad night (596)
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  (607): View more from New York

  He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?

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  (607): He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official? http://tfl.nu/vpzn
  Replies (6) Good night (1267) Bad night (635)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again

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  (720): I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again http://tfl.nu/uboi
  Replies (5) Good night (1327) Bad night (1032)
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  (415): View more from California

  We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.

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  (415): We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now. http://tfl.nu/4l2w
  Replies (3) Good night (1310) Bad night (571)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.

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  (402): He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help. http://tfl.nu/brln
  Replies (13) Good night (542) Bad night (2099)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"

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  (804): Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming" http://tfl.nu/0exb
  Replies (4) Good night (467) Bad night (906)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex

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  (770): The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex http://tfl.nu/wiih
  Replies (7) Good night (900) Bad night (377)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.

  (1-865): View more from Tennessee

  hahahah

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  (865): I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today. (1-865): hahahah http://tfl.nu/pyyj
  Replies (2) Good night (872) Bad night (347)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?

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  (502): I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You? http://tfl.nu/sdqc
  Replies (4) Good night (801) Bad night (337)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat

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  (978): When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts (978): Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat http://tfl.nu/4oyp
  Replies (0) Good night (602) Bad night (218)

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