somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick