I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
