: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize