A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
