I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
