I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
