Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
This house was built for laser tag.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
