did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
