He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
