My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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