Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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