He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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