How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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