Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
