chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
A bitchslap is in order.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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