We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
