it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
