I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
