2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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