my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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