just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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