I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
