Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
