and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
