I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
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