i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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