I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
