This girl is more easily done than said...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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