I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
