Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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