my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
