then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Boobs speak an international language.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
