margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
