I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
