I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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