R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
