Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
