Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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