somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
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I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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