he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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