The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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