I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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