He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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