I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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