Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
FUCK WHALES
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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