Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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