somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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