So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
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He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
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I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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