I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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