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im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
sex in a hospital.. check
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
