i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
