Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
