Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize