I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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