I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
