Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
