Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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