Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
