it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
